I'm Back!

So clearly New Year Goal Number 3 has been much of a fail as I've taken a four month hiatus from blogging. Truth be told, there is no good reason. I haven't carved out time and I really am bummed about it.

When I look back on these last four months, I won't have some sort of epic diary detailing my thoughts everyday and I'm sad about that. Life was lived and life will go on I suppose.

I make no promises other than to be better than what I was. There is no place to go but up right?

So, here is a list of the things that went on while I was on my blogging break (not in chronological order).

1. I weaned Malone. We had a great run for 21 months but it was time. I was getting resentful and he was starting to need to nurse more than I was comfortable with. Over about a 8 week period, we slowly dropped sessions and made new routine to replace our nursing times. Mike really stepped up the plate and now puts Malone to bed most nights.

2. I joined Weight Watchers and have lost almost 15 pounds. I have been slacking in that area though too lately and seem to be gaining and losing the same 3 pounds. I need to get more serious about that.

3. I am continuing to kick ass at my job. I enjoy my work, so it is easy to do a good job. However, now that the weather is getting nicer I am longing for my SHAM days so I can take Malone to the park and play whenever I want.

4. Malone has had a developmental explosion. He knows his colors and shapes, can count, and can identify 95% of letters. His favorite tv show is Wheel of Fortune and shows that feature trains (Chuggington and Thomas) are a close second. If you ask him, he will tell you that his favorite color is pink and most of the time his favorite letter is D, L, or O. He's also very interested in books and likes to read along and say the parts of the story he knows. And, he sings! Favorites songs include: The Wheels On The Bus, Pop Goes The Wiesel, Ring Around The Rosy, Tiny Tim, ABC's, and Rockabye Baby. I also started taking Malone to a parent and me gymnastics class, which he loves (he calls it nastics).

5. Mike ran a 10k race!

6. My friend Tara's father passed away. It was really sad and upsetting to watch a friend go through the loss of a parent because I've been there myself. I had a lot of old feelings come up but I was still able to be there for her and be a good friend to her. I am really proud of myself for that because it wasn't easy. She gave the most beautiful eulogy I've ever heard.

7. We paid off all of our credit card debt! We are slowly on our way to building our wealth and saving for our dream of owning a home. It may take a few years, but we'll get it!

8. I have failed at quite a few of my New Years Goals. I joined twitter, but I don't tweet. I still just don't get it! I have not been reading much at all (I just need to find a good book!), I am drinking a fair amount of water, but not enough. I have not competed a craft project at all this year, let alone one each month! I have wasted a ton of time on the internet.

9. But I've done okay on some of my other goals. I just started a couch to 5k program and picked out my first race to run. We've joined the Y and I went to spinning class tonight. The biggest challenge I am finding with getting active is carving out the time. I don't get many hours a day with Malone and it is hard to leave to go work out when I could be spending time with him. If I wait until he's in bed, I'm too wiped. And he's up SUPER early in the morning. But, I am working on it. I haven't purchased a fancy new camera, but I'm saving for one! Operation Clutter reduction is underway. It's slow and overwhelming but I am determined!

Malone's Lunch

A lot of moms I know are jumping on the Bento bandwagon. I think that's great- I'm all for moms doing whatever they need to do to get their kids to eat well. Malone has a Bento style lunch box for school mostly because I wanted the option for variety that the different compartments provide.

Here is Malone's lunch today.




The top small container has cut watermelon, the bottom small container has Trader Joe's Ginger Cats, and in the large container there are frozen peas (one of Malone's favorites), a piece of string cheese cut into thirds, and rosemary roasted chicken breast. He also has a yogurt.

Most days, 95% or more of his lunch is consumed. It would be much easier for me to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich everyday, but I'd rather him eat like this- well balanced and with a lot of variety!

Update: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Some of you may remember that I wrestled with the idea of going back to work last summer in this post. To make a long story short, I went back to work full time the week of Halloween. And while I am getting used to not having as many hours with Malone or to get things done in a day, it was absolutely 100% the right decision.

I was able to start full time from home with the company I was already working with. It's a great company to work for, the work is interesting, and the employees are treated well. It is a challenge to remain focused and on task while working from home, but for the most part I've been able to really separate home life and work life.

Malone is enrolled at daycare center that I am thrilled about. I'm not going to lie, his transition was really rough and it took about 3 weeks for him to really settle in there. His "school" (that's what we call it) went above and beyond to facilitate his transition including bringing in an extra teacher into his room in case he needed to go for a walk outside (which was about the only thing that he didn't freak out about).

In the earliest days of his transition, he carried around his lovey (a cat) and a book that had a picture of a mom and little boy (that kind of looked like us). Now, he wakes up in the morning and asks to go to school. It's amazing how resilient kids really are.

There are times I miss my SHAM days. I miss the activities Malone and I attended during the week. I miss my SHAM friends- it's harder to get together with them now. But, the extra money is nice and we've fallen into a great routine.

I made the right decision and am really lucky that I was able to get a job at the company I wanted to work for.

New Year, New Goals.

I'm back. Have you missed me? Because I've missed you. Life got a little hectic after my last post (more on that tomorrow during my 2009 year in review post).

I've decided to have 11 goals for 2011. I'm not calling them resolutions- some of them will be pretty easy to stick with, others are major lifestyle overhauls. But that's what the new year is for right?

So (insert drum roll here) here they are in no particular order.

1. Join Twitter and tweet. Honestly, Twitter is completely baffling to me. I don't get it. I recently talked to a friend who said she felt the same way until she joined.

2. Lose weight. Right now I'm 184.4 pounds (thank you handy dandy shiny new scale). I'm tired of picking out adorable cute clothing and not having them look great on me because of my chunk. Also, for the long term it needs to be done.
2a. Move more. Goes along with #2. This one is going to be the biggest challenge, I think. Run a 5k race.

3. Blog at least 4 times a week.

4. Read 52 books in 52 weeks. I'm going to let Middlesex count as one as I'm only about 1/3 of the way through it.

5. Save, save, save! Mike and I have dream of being homeowners. One of the easiest ways to do this is going to meal plan better and eat out less.

6. Drink more water. It's surprising how often I reach for something other than water to drink. It's free, it's good for me, the consumption of it has GOT TO increase!

7. Complete a craft project each month.
7a. Purchase a sewing machine and learn how to sew.

8. Get rid of the clutter. We have a great living space (minus the super old windows and the sucky heating bill) but little storage space. Combine that with a curious toddler who likes to empty drawers and you get a house that has pockets of clutter EVERYWHERE. I might even get bold and post before and after photos.

9. Nine goes along with eight, make our space more pleasing to the eye- hang pictures on the walls and replace some outdated home furnishings.

10. Purchase a fancy camera like a Cannon Rebel. I've got a pretty good chunk of money set a side for this already.
10a. Learn how to use it.
10b. Purchase and learn photo editing software.

11. Spend more time doing and waste less time on the internet. With some of the above goals, I think that is doable!

15/30 Living.

After Malone was first born and for a very long time after he was born, I felt like I was just surviving- barely keeping my head above water. Call it postpartum depression, call it a rough adjustment to motherhood, call it whatever you want. But that was what was true for me. And it was my truth for a really long time.

I didn't start seeing a therapist, instead started going to a MotherWoman group where mother's gather in a space to talk real about motherhood. The space is safe, confidential, and you can speak without being interrupted. The best part of all, no one gives you any advice.

I realized I wasn't alone. I realized that other mothers felt the same way that I did.

This morning, Mike and Malone are out for a run. I am alone and have a quiet house all to myself for a moment. A precious gift.

Now that it's quiet here (and I don't have to worry about when a baby might wake up from a nap), it occurred to me that I'm no longer surviving. I am living. AGAIN.

I am taking every moment I can to enjoy life. And boy, is there a lot to enjoy! I don't know when the shift happened, or how long it took me to realize it.

I guess I don't really know what the point of this blog today is. And I'm not sure that many of you will even understand where I'm coming from. I think it's one of those things where if you haven't suffered from PPD then it may be hard to understand. I guess maybe today's post is to give a shout out to you mother's out there who aren't really enjoying things. I've been there. Not enjoying life is not the same as not loving our babies. Just keep on keeping on. I hope someday you can also get to the place again where I am today. It's magical. And it's special and extraordinary, especially since it wasn't like this for a long time.

14/30 The thing about summer.

I can slowly feel summer winding down.
Summer winding down means change.
Change I want but am not ready for yet.

11, 12, 13/30 Wicked smaht.

Because the work at home job as picked up again, a short 3-in-1 for you tonight.

This morning I changed Malone's diaper (full of blueberry poo... ew!), and put him into the pack in play so I could check my work email before we started the day. When I turned around a few minutes later, I found him naked and smiling. I found his diaper full of more blueberry poo.

Thats right boys and girls, my kid poo'ed in his diaper and then removed it himself. Not only that, he did not feel the need to play in it and there was really just the mess of me cleaning him up like usual to take care of.

My kid may not sleep, but he's wicked smaht (smart for all of you non Boston accent people).