Here is what I know.

Disclaimer again. This is a cross post with Motherwoman- my apologies.

Malone has spent most of the morning in front of PBS.

I've spent most of this morning working on getting started.

I reached out to two friends that I know have walked down this road before who pointed me in a great direction. I've gotten the names of a few good therapists.

"Let me know how I can help, I can even watch Malone for you while you go."

I spent 30 minutes on the phone with my insurance provider who had so much love and support in her voice it was unreal.

I said it. "I have postpartum depression."

We navigated the insurance company's website together. She made sure that I knew what was covered, what wasn't, was wasn't covered but was discounted, and what "rules" I needed to follow. She made sure I knew which of the seven different options was the one that matched up with my coverage.

She ended the call this way "I hope you get the help you're looking for. And congratulations on the baby."

Amazing customer service.

I spent a 20 minute cycle of gathering up the courage, chickening out, and hanging up on my OB/GYN practice. I pray they don't have caller ID. It was like I was in high school again, calling and hanging up on the cutest boy in class.

And then I didn't hang up.

I said it again.

"I'd like to make an appointment with the midwife. I think I have postpartum depression."

"Okay, great." Um.. what?!?

I'll chalk this one up to a reactionary response. I am sure that the receptionist didn't even know what she said. I've heard her say it when I made appointments with her before.

"How would tomorrow at 2:30 be?"

"Great. Thanks. See you then."

So, I've set the plan in motion. And already, I feel a little better about things. Writing has helped, getting the ball rolling has helped, and reaching out has helped.

This afternoon the baby mama's and I are going on a walk. It's so nice out, how could you not?

Thank God it isn't winter anymore. I can only imagine how much harder this would be in wintertime, when it's already so easy to stay in and disconnect.

In looking back on yesterday's post, I am so proud of myself.