Challenge 1/30. Should I stay or should I go?

I've been at home with Malone now for almost exactly 12.5 months. If you count the amount of time I was on bedrest, I've been home with Malone for closer to 14 months. In any case, I've been out of the office world for awhile. That doesn't mean that I haven't been working, I have a wonderful part time work at home gig. I work for a company that I am completely over the moon about in terms of the product they put out and the way they handle their business. The job I do is flexible- it doesn't have to be done during a set time of day. I receive assignments with deadlines and as long as I can meet the deadline it doesn't matter what time of the day I chose to work.

It sounds like a mother's dream- a flexible (and legitimate) work at home job that pays well with flexible hours. And for most other moms it probably is.

The challenge I've found with this position is that there are just not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. I am with Malone all day and on most days start working as soon as supper is over and he is in bed, finishing just in time for me to go to bed. Rinse, lather, repeat. Somewhere in there, I've got to fit all of the things that come long with being a real grown up- the bills, the laundry, cleaning the house, and finding a little time for me.

On the other side of the coin, this position has given me the chance to be my son's primary care giver for every single day of his young life. And we've had a blast together. We've taken day trips to Children's museums, had lunch with daddy and other friends, gone to the movies, gone to farmers markets, gone to story time at the library- the list goes on and on. All of this has been done during the 9-5 work day.

But, at the very end of the day I feel like going back to work is the right thing for me. Especially (and only) if I can get a position in the office of my work at home job. I think that any other position at any other company would not be worth it.

If I get a job in the office, Malone would have to go to daycare. I truly believe that he would have a blast. He is social and outgoing, curious and full of adventure. He's ripe and eager to learn. And I'm oddly okay with it.

After two weeks of going back and forth, trying to work up the nerve to call my old coworker (I used to actually work in this office two years ago), I finally did. Only to hear that right now there are no openings in the office.

I was bummed to say the least. But the thing about the industry is that its really growing. I'm going to check back in with her mid August but until then, I wonder if the grass just seems greener on the other side?