Tuesday, February 16, 2010

From My Other Blog

I've decided to switch from Wordpress to Blogger because I think Blogger is more user friendly. I've taken the time to carry over all of my other posts (all 19 of them!) so that everything I have written so far will all be in one spot.

Originally Posted on Wordpress
Feb 15, 2010
A Funny One.

This blog carnival was created byMckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last week (or maybe it was the week before I can't remember) I did not call 911 because my smoke detector was going off. The hotties from the fire department which included three ladder trucks and the chief did not come rushing to my aid, storm up the stairs with their axes in hand and their oxygen masks on.

My land lady's mother who lives several states away did not hear the call while listening to the fire/police internet scanner my town has and she did not call my land lady at work in a hysterical panic. The land lady did not call me leaving a frantic voice mail and when she couldn't reach me she did not call my husband at work.

The hotties of the fire department and the chief did not arrive to no fire or smoke alarm going off.

The neighbors did not come out to gawk.

The firemen did not tell me that the smoke detector probably went nuts "from cooking your tater tots a little too long."

I was not secretly a little annoyed that they did not wipe their boots before coming in (axes in hand and oxygen masks on remind you) to save my house from the non emergency that I thought was an emergency enough to dial 911.

I was not mortified by the whole event.

I did not post about it on facebook so all of my friends could laugh at me.

And finally, I was not a little relieved to know that from the time I called 911 to the time the fire department got to my house was less than 3 minutes.

In my defense, the smoke alarm was going nutso. There is no fan above our stove and often times the slightest thing sets it off. Usually, I can get it to stop by waving a towel but this time it wouldn't shut up. We live in an owner occupied Victorian house with electrical wiring so old that I am sure Ben Franklin wired it himself. I really thought that there was something going on with the first floor space.

Better safe than sorry right?

Originally Published on Wordpress Feb 15, 2010

My Favorites.

As previously mentioned in last week's It's Not Me Monday post, I had a few professional pictures of Malone taken in his "I could be Rainbow Brite's husband" outfit.

If you like the work, the photographer was Paul of Paul Specht Photography and you can become a fan of his work on Facebook. He's also one of my closest friends and one of Malone's many Uncles.

The photos turned out amazing and there are quite a few that I simply ADORE. So, here they are.

Originally Posted on Wordpress Feb 8, 2010
It's Not Me Monday- TMI/Gross Edition

This blog carnival was created byMckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's only fair to let you all know that this is a TMI/Gross edition of It's Not Me.

I have not stooped to a new low.

In the middle of the night, when my sweet baby boy who was sleeping on my chest woke up, coughed and then proceeded to either spit up or throw up (not sure because it was dark) all over my shirt and down my nursing bra, I did NOT wipe it up as best I could with a burp rag, then lay said burp rag over the baby spew and encourage my kid to go back to sleep so I could sleep.

I would never do that because I'm SUPERMOM. You know her right? The one who gets up in the middle of the night, gives baby spewed kids baths, changes sheets, throws them in the wash, gets the baby back to sleep, and then comes back to bed looking like she just stepped off of a Covergirl commercial.

I also did not go to the grocery store this morning in my baby spewed pajamas and a crusty hoodie to purchase lady parts products after my best friend, Aunt Flo, returned from her almost 18 month vacation.

Finally, I did not buy a custom made Valentine's Day outfit for Malone. This outfit does not make him look like he could be Rainbow Brite's husband. I am not headed out the door to have professional photo's of Malone taken in this outfit, because it is not one of my most favorite outfits of his EVER.

Originally Published on Wordpress
Feb 8, 2010

During the first weeks and months after my mom passed away, I existed on very little food. When I was hungry the only thing I wanted to eat was either Digiorono Cheese Stufffed Crust pizza or baked goods.

This seriously went on for a really long time.

And then I got so fat I joined weight watchers.

Today, while grocery shopping I picked up one of those cheese stuffed crust pizzas. They are a luxury item in our house now at close to nine dollars a piece. For that price, I might as well just get a pizza from the place by my house.

I had such grand hopes for this pizza. Michael and I were going to eat it during the big game.

Ah.. that gooey cheesey stuffed crust. I salivate just thinking about it.

But tonight my dear friends there is no pizza.

Well, my loyal (all three of you) readers this day seems to be worthy of two posts.

Do you want to know what's more awesome than cooking your fancy frozen pizza with the cardboard bottom piece still on?

Discovering that in the hour and a half your son has been sleeping he's thrown up and rested his sweet little head in it.

Malone woke up about 20 minutes ago and before I saw it, I could smell it. We nursed. He wanted to go back to sleep.

A shower, a fresh pair of pj's and a clean crib sheet later I've got a kid who thinks maybe he might go back to sleep. Or, maybe not.

I had grand plans of going to bed early tonight- stealing an extra hour of the bed all to myself. In fact, when Malone woke up I had already brushed my teeth and filled my water bottle.

How does that saying go? - "The best laid plans."

Originally Published On Wordpress
Feb 8, 2010
Project MOM 3/52

My mommy brain is FRIED (see the cry it out post below if you're looking for a reason) and I put the pizza on the pan with the cardboard still on.

There were parts that could have been salvageable.

But I was my mother's daughter. Instead of cool-ly figuring out a way to scrape the cooked on pizza from the cardboard and rebake the salvaged pieces.

I had a mini temper tantrum and the whole thing was very dramatically thrown in the garbage.

And I will probably pout about it all night.

Originally Published On Wordpress
Feb 7, 2010
Cry It Out.

I consider myself to be a member of the attachment parenting camp. During my pregnancy I hoped and prayed that I would be able to successfully breastfed. I am happy to report that Malone and I enjoy a wonderful nursing relationship. And nursing for me has been so convenient.

But, I didn't set out to be an attachment parent- very early on in Malone's life he let us know that the AP style was what was going to work for him. There was a stretch of about seven weeks during his earliest days where the only way he could be soothed was if my husband or I wore him in a wrap and bounced on an exercise ball.

At 4 months we started bedsharing because I was tired of getting up 3-7 times a night to feed Malone. I wasn't in crisis, but I knew that was where I was heading if I couldn't find a way to get quality sleep and get it fast.

At first, Malone fell asleep in his crib and then came into bed with us at some point during the night. Then, he got to the point where he after he nursed before bed, he would not go to sleep in his crib. He screamed frantically in the crib. We started snuggling and laying with him while he slept. This meant that whomever was sleep duty that night was then stuck in bed with him otherwise he'd wake up and scream.

I felt trapped.

I was resentful.

I was living with a seven month old sleep terrorist.

So we made him cry it out.

We're now a week into CIO and things are looking up. The first nights were hard. He cried for upwards of 60 minutes (we went in to soothe when we needed to). Now we're down to somewhere between 8-10 minutes.

He's still coming into our bed at some point in the night. But we're getting at least 4 hours of sleep without him there.

We will be working on naps and the middle of the night wakings soon.

I can't believe we survived this.

Originally Published on Wordpress Feb 2, 2010
5 Minutes

* I am setting my stopwatch for 5 minutes to allow myself time to write. Please note that it will not be reviewing, editing, or spell checking this. I simply do not have time. AND GO!

Since my last post, life has literally gotten on top of me. Often, in my Motherwoman circle the facilitators use the phrase "there is a reason why when the plane is crashing you are instructed to put on your oxygen mask first."

In the last however long it has been since I wrote, the following things have happend. Not in this order.

1. Malone got super sick.

2. I got food poisoining that lasted for 4 days. As a bonus jonas, I lost close to 10 lbs.

3. A can of soda exploded in my car leaving specks everywhere.

4. My family and I took a trip to the Statehouse to show our support on a post partum depression bill that is coming up.

5. My part time work at home transcription job has picked up in FULL speed. During the last pay period I worked 29 hours in two weeks. That would be at night and during the weekend folks, as during the day I am a full time stay at home mama who refuses to work while my kid is up. After all, that's no the point of being a stay at home mom. In the last TWO DAYS my time card shows 10.50 hours worked.

6. We have started Cry it out with Malone. I am living with a sleep terrorist. I need help. I hate it but he needs to learn that world does not revolve around him. He is a member of a family unit and we will all function better with him sleeping.

Man. That was a fast 5 minutes- but I have to go now.

In summery, we're busy. I don't have much spare time. And my to do list includes simple self care tasks like flossing and putting on deodorant. Oh, and my socks don't match but at least my feet are warm.

Originally Published On Wordpress
Jan 15, 2010
Introduction Project MOM, 1/52 & 2/52

For those of you who don't know, I am a motherless daughter mother. In 2007, approximately five months before my wedding, my mother passed away. She was an alcoholic who died from alcohol poisoning.

Tomorrow would have been her 50th birthday.

I've known for quite sometime that I wanted to do something to mark this occasion. If she were living I'm sure I would have done my best to give her a large party or maybe she would have rather celebrated by doing something crazy like skydiving (something she always wanted to do) or taking a road trip where there is no destination (a favorite- to just get in the car and drive to see where the road took you).

I thought about throwing her a party anyway. Flying back to my hometown and rounding up friends and family. But then I decided that was kind of creepy and not something that would have honored the legacy of her spirit (aka the person she was before she was an alcoholic).

Then, right around the holidays it came to me. **I am going to spend this year doing the things she loved to do, the things I think she would want me to do, or things that honor the legacy of her spirit. I hope to accomplish one a week.

To be honest, it's a bit harder than I thought it would be. My entire adult life I spent living in a different state than here. I'm not saying that we weren't close- at times we were thick as thieves. However, her alcoholism started after I had moved away and at times it was easier for me to not call or be as in touch as I should have been, than was it was to do so. Therefore, at least for right now I'm not feeling like a have a lot to draw from with regard to her. I also feel as though my childhood memories are fleeting.

** I'm going to add blogging memories to this list as well.

This project is going to be called Project MOM.


Project MOM 1/52

(mom = before alcoholism mom)

One thing my mom loved to do was to spend time with her nephews. I don't think there was any part of them that she did not enjoy. In my eyes, mom was just about as great as an Aunt one could be.

Often, she would go visit her nephews (my Nana babysat them during the day) and cause all sorts of fantastic trouble. Once, she even let them cut her hair (they were maybe four and five at the time).

On December 23, 2009 a life long dream of mine came true. I became an Auntie. Michael's brother (Steven) and his wife (Carrie) gave birth to a handsome baby boy named Andrew Windsor.

We went to Philadelphia to visit them on New Years Day. I spent the greater part of the weekend loving on my nephew just as my mother would have.

And, by the same token- Malone's Auntie Carrie spent a great deal of time loving on him.

Project MOM 2/52
Rinse. Lather. Repeat

This past weekend was not a great one in my house. Malone was sicker than I've ever seen him.

Hot, cold, fever, no fever, but always whiney.

Friday night was the absolute worst night (so far) in my mommy life. Malone could not settle because he didn't feel well. He was congested and could not breathe.

I knew that Michael and the cats were going to be banished to the futon while Malone and I hunkered down for a long sleepless night together. (Typically, Michael, Malone, myself, and at least one of the cats all sleep together in our bed.)

This is what our Friday (1/8/10) night looked like. Vomit, clean up, attempt to nurse, scream, sleep. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Malone went through 5 pj tops.

From 4:00 am - 5:00 am Malone screamed and cried inconsolably non stop.

At 6:00 we moved from the bedroom into the glider in the living room. We both slept until about 8:30.

As a kid, my mom often told me a story of how she fell asleep standing next to my crib one night when I was having a rough night as a baby. Growing up, I never dreamt exhaustion on such a level that it would even be possible.

I get it now mom, I get it. And thanks.

Originally Published on Wordpress
Jan 13, 2010
Ready, Set, Go!

Today was Malone's 6 month well baby visit. He's a champ- 18 lbs 3 oz, 28.5 inches long, and has a slightly larger than normal head. The doctor was pleased with his growth. I've been blessed with a healthy guy who actually wears the size of clothing that is current with his age (6-12 months).

He's been given the green light to start solid foods. My personal philosophy is that food is "fun until one". I want Malone to taste and explore a variety of things both with our aid and on his own as best he's capable.

I hope to make most of his food- but in preparation for the green light I knew I would be given today, I purchased a few jars of organic baby food and organic whole grain baby oatmeal.

He had two meals of carrots and oatmeal today. He liked it for the most part.

Me, on the other hand had a pretty hard time with it.

I've been struggling with this for awhile.

For 16.5 months now, I've been growing him all by myself (save for an emergency bottle of formula). I've grown him from a tiny spec that was smaller than the size of a pin drop to the 18.2 lb bruiser he currently is.

And now food gets to help grow him too? It hardly seems fair.

We will continue to nurse through his first birthday and beyond (I hope and pray) but I didn't think I would be as sad as what I am/have been about the introduction of solids into my little guy's life.

Tears have been shed.

But, now Daddy gets a chance to finally be a main part of the feeding of Malone. That's exciting. He's been waiting patiently.

We get to introduce Malone to a whole new world and witness as he enjoys it.

I can't wait to see his first strawberry stained face- his first taste of tapenade, the list goes on and on.

I am sure this is the first of many things I will mourn as my baby grows up.

I must remember- don't blink.

Originally Published on Wordpress
Dec 14, 2009
It's Not Me Monday

This blog carnival was created byMckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Ahh. Monday again.

I have not been stalking the Mountain Lodge collection at Gymboree like my life depended on it for the last few weeks waiting to strike at the perfect ON SALE moment. The clothes ARE cute, but my baby is still growing way too fast. And I most certainly did NOT make a pilgrimage to a mall over an hour away from my house to lust over said collection in person. And when I got to the store I did not look just with my eyes and not come home with piece of it. And I do not currently have 3 more pieces of it in my cart on their online store.

Okay, okay I confess. I did do all of those things. But you know what, it's really hard to dress a baby boy in clothing that is not cutesy or babyish. And most items were purchased one size larger than what he currently is so he can grow into them.

Seriously, I'm in love with the line. Finally, a line that is wintery but doesn't scream Christmas/Holiday. Malone will wear the pieces all winter this year and if the growth fates allow, next winter also.

In other It's Not Me News- the nursing chair in our bedroom does NOT have a pile of clothing waiting to be put away from 3 laundry cycles ago because I dutifully fold and put away my laundry as soon as it's done.

The thing that gets me about this is that it's not actually really hard. All of the items are folded and ready to be put away. But for some reason I just can't bring myself to get to it.

I suppose it's still there because I feel like something in my life needs to be able to be a little neglected. And I'm okay with that for right now.

Originally Published on Wordpress
Dec 13, 2009
What I Should Be Doing.

There are approximately 1001 things I should be doing. We are leaving in FIVE (yay!) days to spend time with my family in Illinois.

I won't bore you with the whole list but they include laundry, wrapping gifts, finishing ordering gifts, addressing Christmas cards, putting away clothes, and cleaning in general (because I HATE coming home from a trip to a messy space).

Instead, I am sitting here with a giant mug of coffee, listening to the hum of Malone's swing as he sleeps in the background.

That swing has been such a life saver for us. For the first 2.5 months of Malone's life he slept in it almost exclusively. Now that he's almost six months it's still used on a daily basis for naps while we're home. I thought by now he'd be out of it, but I am not about to mess with something that's not broken.

We didn't originally register for a swing, but in the early days of Malone's life he made it clear that he was a baby who loved movement.

My Nana (who was out here from IL to help us after Malone was born) stayed home with the baby while Michael and I set off for Babies R Us to purchase it. We were exhausted and overwhelmed. We needed a few a few quiet moments alone to reconnect. Wisely, my Nana sensed it and quietly suggested we go look for one.

I remember walking hand in hand with my husband into BRU. There was about 10 different swings to choose from. Our first choice was awesome looking, but out of stock. We liked that one best because an iPod could be plugged into it and it seemed cozy. However, it was designed more for newborns.

Our second choice was the Fisher Price Papasan Cradle Lamb Swing. It seemed cozy. Looking back, it is probably one of the wisest baby gear decisions we made. There is not one feature of the swing that Malone does not enjoy. The only I would change about it would be to have an electrical outlet option. We go through about 4 D batteries every two weeks.

It is so hard to guess what babies will like. I promise I'll write about the best baby gear decision we ever made a different day.

Originally Published on
Wordpress Dec 10, 2009
Gratitude Tuesday (on Thursday)

The last few days have been quite busy in my Team's house. We've returned from Cape Cod and been welcomed with the first snow storm of the year. Yesterday, my husband worked from home. While he worked, Malone and I enjoyed a lazy day in.

I am grateful for much but this week I want to focus on one thing. This week I am grateful Motherwoman. This week, one of their facilitators helped me realize why I was so sad about missing Malone's first snow (see post below).

I can't tell this story without a little bit of background info. This might get a little long so if you haven't got time you might want to come back when you do.

I am a motherless daughter mother. My mother (I promise I will blog more about her another day) was an alcoholic who died from alcohol poisoning in March of 2007, approximately five months before our wedding. When I was cleaning out her apartment, there were two things I hoped to find and never did.

The first was our Family Bible. This Bible wasn't often used for study or reading purposes, but rather as a history holder. My mother used this Bible as a place to store birth announcements from family and friends, wedding programs, obituaries from newspapers, and programs from funerals. I don't know where it got off to, I'm hoping that when I go through things at my dad's place over Christmas break I'll find it there. They got divorced when I was five or six and when I left for college a great deal of my things were stashed in his care.

But more than that, I have no idea where my baby book is. I didn't find it when I cleaned out her things. I know that she dutifully kept it, recording my firsts, my statistics, and photographs.

Before this week's circle, I had never put two and two together. The reason I am such a mission to capture all of Malone's firsts is because I a. no longer have my baby book and b. no longer have my mother to ask.

Which lead me to: this is my first Christmas season as a mother and my mom isn't here to share in that.

I realized that I am again grieving the loss of my mother. I know it is okay that I am sad, in fact I have the right.

Today I am beyond grateful for Motherwoman's existence and their facilitators. Motherwoman is not group therapy, but rather a place where I can be heard in a judgment and advice free zone. When I am there in their circle, I know I am safe to express whatever is on my mind.

Originally Published on Wordpress Dec 7, 2009
It's Not Me Monday- Christmas Edition

This blog carnival was created byMckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I most certainly did not forget to call the oil man when our tank was almost empty. Our oil did not run out leaving us with 1/2 day and night with(out) heat. It was not a balmy 51 degrees in the bedroom when we woke up this morning.

I did not enjoy the extra snuggling I had to do last night with my baby to make sure that he was warm enough all night.

Now, please don't beat me up about this mistake. I've already beaten myself up enough about it. I will assure you that we were all warm enough yesterday and last night. Our family bed was extra snuggly last night as the cats joined us.

In fact, Iggy was especially helpful. Last night, his instinct was to snuggle Malone for most of the night. Throughout the night, I switch Malone from my left side to the middle so he can nurse off of both breasts. Last night, whenever I switched, Iggy moved too. It was really cute to observe Iggy protect Malone in this way.

Now, before you get on my case about how I shouldn't let my cat sleep so close to the baby for fear of suffocation or some other judgmental thing you're probably thinking, please be assured that Malone sleeps on his side facing me all night and Iggy was snuggling his back.

The oil man has been called and will be here by noon today. We have to pay a fee to light the pilot (sucky) but have heat this afternoon. Until then, Malone and are both wearing multiple (read three plus) layers, have hats on, and I am drinking the biggest mug of hot tea you've ever seen.

Now onto part two of It's Not Me Monday.


I did not go a bit overboard with my excitement of Malone's first Christmas celebration (1 of 4). I did not feel like a kid again as my husband and I opened Malone's gifts. And I most certainly did not spend the better part of the afternoon playing with his Wooden Nativity Set . And I'm not going to call my wood working Papa to see if he can make some additional animals for said Nativity. Nope, not me.

I did not surround my child with all of the presents and snap to get him to look in my direction while I took a million pictures. Nope, not me.

*And I did not spend any money on the adorable outfit he's wearing that says "baby's first Christmas" because that would be well, financially wasteful since Malone can only wear it a handful of times.

Well, the as the saying goes, the proof is in the pictures.

** Actually, I think I'll be able to get a lot of wear out of the Christmas outfit. You can't see it, but the top of the overalls have a pocket that say "baby's first Christmas." If I put a shirt over the overalls, I'll be able to get away with it. And, I think he'll be able to use the onsie on it's own too.

And finally, I did not smile a little on the inside when my baby boy choose my fabulous silky pink scarf from France as his lovey. (More to come on this another day).

Originally Published on Wordpress
Dec 5, 2009
Missing It.

According to the radar, the very first snow in the Happy Valley is here. White huge flakes are falling, the market is full of worried people who have ran out to stock up on non perishables, neighbors are busy moaning about having to shovel, the city workers are gearing up their plows.

Or, so I imagine.

We're missing it. Malone's first snow and we're missing it. I know that it's not his real first snow since he's not there to see it, but a part of me feels a little sad. But it's our Valley's first snow. It's snowing at the house we brought our baby home to and we're not there to make that memory.

Sure, there will be another snow fall on another day. It will be Malone's first snow. That day will be wonderful, we'll take him outside in his cute little snow suit with the bear hoodie ears and take his picture. I'll email it to his Grandparents, take my mental memory, and then write about it on here. He will never know that he missed the first snow. But I will.

We are missing it for a good reason. Right now our little family of three is enjoying a weekend at Meme's house on the Cape. We've come down to spend the weekend with her and celebrate Christmas with her and our extended family who lives on the Cape.

We had our family over for Christmas this afternoon. It was lovely. We were making a memory for him - his first Christmas. We put him a cute little First Christmas Outfit. We piled his presents all around him and took his picture. We laughed and marveled with our family about what a little wonder he is. He entertained, he smiled on command. It was wonderful. We made a memory.

Still, a part of me longs to be home tonight. I just received a text from Uncle Tom (who is not Malone's uncle by blood, but is Malone's uncle by love) that he and Uncle Mike # 1 (again not by blood but by love- also Malone has an Uncle Mike # 2 in addition to a by blood Uncle Mike and a dad named Mike... can you keep all the Mike's straight because I can't) got their tree this afternoon and are have decided to host the rest of our friend family for their annual tree trimming dinner tonight.

We've attended this event for a few years and it is one of my favorite holiday events. Uncle Mike #1 is the most amazing cook and dinner at his house is always fantastic. Christmas carols play in the background as we sit by the fire drinking wine/good scotch. Dogs run about trying to steal bread from babies. Babies who were little babies last year toddle about feeding their bread to dogs. Their house is always filled with love, but on tree trimming night the love always seems to overflow.

I'm sad to be missing this event tonight, but again note that the memories we've made on the Cape this weekend are equally if not more important. Our friend family sees Malone on a weekly basis. Our Cape family does not.

There will be another tree trimming party next year. And perhaps I will be wise enough to not schedule our Cape Christmas on the first weekend of December so we can enjoy both events and maybe even be home to catch the Happy Valley's first snow and not feel so conflicted about it all.

Originally Published on Wordpress
Dec 2, 2009
Gratitude Tuesday

Last week, in my Motherwoman circle we talked about gratitude. We all wrote down three things that we were thankful/grateful for. A high school English teacher who was in circle does this with her students, but challenges them to think beyond the conventional "easy" things to be grateful for. Those things are important, but she challenged me to dig deeper.

I hope to someday start a gratitude journal, but for now hopefully weekly post will have to do. One of my main goals is to write everyday and I do not want to overwhelm myself. Instead, I want to set manageable goals and go from there. Look for an upcoming post about goals in the next few days.

This is going to sound really weird, but I am grateful for a specific tree in a neighboring town. This tree is some sort of pine tree and stands about seven feet tall. Every year, for the holidays the owners of this tree have decorated it in the exact same way for the holidays using purple and blue lights with a gold star on top. Their yard isn't full of inflatable Santas, reindeer, or any other Christmas decorations. There is just this tree. And I find such beauty in the simplicity of it.

Michael and I spent our first years together living in the town where this tree is located. This is the town where Michael and I announced our engagement. This is the town where Michael and I started out our first newlywed days. This is the town where we lived when we found out we were having a baby. All of these memories and more came back to me when I saw this tree for the first time of the season this weekend. And for that, I am grateful.

Originally Published On Wordpress
Dec 1, 2009
An Essay About Sleep

A few weeks ago I enrolled in a six week Mother's Writing Workshop hosted by my favorite space for families, Cradle. I only made it through three of the six sessions before I had to stop going because Malone decided he needed me to be home for his bedtime routine (which now includes nursing to sleep). The leader was gracious and understanding about my new predicament and agreed to keep me in the loop by providing me with writing prompts. One of the assignments was to write about a ritual and ironically was the only assignment outside of the sessions I found time to complete- life got too busy. Below is my ritual essay.

Phhhhhhhhht. Phhhhhhhhht. Phhhhhhhhht.

My eyes pop open. I pray that there is no substance behind the sounds of three of the juiciest most vile sounding farts I have ever heard. I look at the clock, but I already know that it is 6:45 am. I steal a glance at you- your eyes are still closed. I take a deep (but quiet) breath and close my eyes for a few more minutes. You roll to your side and nuzzle in close. You want "nursies" and I sleepily oblige, lifting the upper portion of my nursing tank.

You latch on politely, still in your sleep. I am in sleep limbo. Not awake, not asleep. I listen to your rhythmic breathing and marvel in your perfectness. Your latch tugs gently on my breast. I listen as you swallow. You start quietly, but begin to gulp as you wake up. You pop off and roll from your side to your back. I steal another glance. Your eyes are open. I pretend I am still sleeping, hoping I can trick you in to a few more minutes before we start our day.

My trick doesn't work. I open my eyes and meet your gaze. You smile good morning to me and chatter a bit in your baby language.

Now that you've woken me up, you move on to the task of waking Daddy up. Your small hands scratch at his back, discovering the texture of his pajamas. You roll into him and give him a gentle kick or two. Your voice is getting louder. You shriek with delight. Daddy rolls over and faces you.

Daddy and I steal a few good morning glances, but you are the star of our show. I reach onto my nightstand grabbing a toy that was specifically stashed there last night in anticipation of this moment. You reach out for it, grasping and exploring.

Iggy the cat jumps onto the bed. He heard the commotion from his bed in the living room and needs to know what is going on. He circles for a moment before settling down by Daddy's feet.

Daddy gets out of bed and heads to the shower. You and I stay and play. Your little legs kick with excitement. Your face is full of big gummy smiles. I sing a few songs in my off key voice. I don't know the words, so I make them up.

Iggy the cat walks by. You reach out to touch his fur. He is annoyed by your grasp, but does nothing.

Daddy comes back in and gets dressed.

I leave you with Daddy to play for a few minutes while I brush my teeth and go to the bathroom.

I come back and pick you up out of our family bed. I give you kisses and you smile.

It's time for a fresh diaper, coffee, and Morning Edition.

It's time to start our day.

Originally Published on Wordpress Nov 30, 2009
It's Not Me Monday

This blog carnival was created byMckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, considering that my mother in law (whom I adore) was here spoiling my son for the last five days, there isn't much I didn't do this week.

I most certainly did not encourage her to go on a movie date with her son (aka My Husband) so I could have a few hours where I didn't have to share the baby. And it wasn't me who was secretly screaming on the inside when she kept the baby up later than normal, encouraged my five month old to watch tv by jumping up and down, pointing, and shrieking "oohh Maloney look it's SPIDERMAN!!! Granted, that was during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Spiderman Balloon was pretty great looking.

And I most certainly did not do a secret happy dance when said mother in law looked at the over flowing laundry basket and volunteered to wash, dry, and fold it. She would have even put it away if she knew where it went. After all, doesn't society deem all that all stay at home moms must be laundry queens?

All in all, it was a great visit. She a fantastic woman who genuinely loves and adores us with her whole heart. She braved crazy MA traffic to spend the holiday with us, spoiling us with Black Friday Shopping, and cheerfully cleaned up after us the way moms do when they are around their kids.

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